Spy killed by PRT!

(London Daily Crumpet) The death by radiation poisoning of former KGB colonel Alexander Litvenenko has been irrefutably linked to an anti-transit conspiracy, according to a Minnesota transportation expert.

The expert said the conspiracy is called Personal Rapid Transit (PRT), a system of small 3-4 seat cabins providing on-demand, express transit service on a network of elevated rails. The automated system would operate 24/7 and use less energy per passenger than existing transit. A prototype PRT system has been operating in West Virginia since 1975, and demonstrations have operated in Germany, Massachusetts and Wales.

The expert, who gave reporters his name, said he became suspicious upon hearing of Litvenenko's death. "Everything has radiation," he explained. "PRT represents an immense concentration of transit in a small vehicle, and therefore concentrated radiation as well."

He likened the radioactive substance suspected in the poisoning, polonium-210, to the cheese on pizza. "One shred of mozzarella is inconsequential," he said, chowing down on a slice of triple salami with sausage. "However, PRT piles on the cheese until the radiation reaches fatal levels."

The expert said his suspicions of a PRT connection were confirmed when British authorities reported finding radiation on two British Airways planes at Heathrow airport.

"Heathrow is where an "ULTra" PRT system is being planned," the expert exclaimed in an agitated state. "This dangerous project, which does not exist, is clearly much further along than believed."

BAA agreed last year to host the project, the first implementation of the ULTra, which is made by Advanced Transport Systems Ltd. of Bristol. Competing PRTs are being planned in Sweden and Finland.

"The Heathrow PRT must be stopped now," the expert said, "before there are more deaths of former Soviet intelligence agents."



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Ken Milhous Avidor