Twin Cities humiliated at Bacon Invitational

Sports

Minneapolis-St.Paul hopes in the 5th annual Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Invitational Tournament in New York were dashed yesterday when its entry, Ben Labridor of Grand Avenue South, Minneapolis, was eliminated in the first round.

MSP fans in the audience at the Jacob Javits Center looked on in disbelief as Labridor, an anti-PRT propagandist and Transportation Editor of the Twin Cities Daily Planet, responded to each of the celebrity name challenges by linking them to Personal Rapid Transit instead of Kevin Bacon.

"This was the worst performance I have ever seen in all my years of reporting on professional sports," said Dan Patrick of ESPN. "Labridor's Personal Rapid Transit game plan completely ignored the whole Bacon-centric objective of the sport. "

"He really let down all the fans," said Patrick. " Face it, Labridor is a joke."

It was a disaster from the the very first challenge, when Labridor offered with the series Tom Cruise was in Minority Report, which showed maglev automobiles, which which are like The Jetsons, which is like Personal Rapid Transit-- instead of Tom Cruise was in a Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon.

When Labridor answered his second challenge -- Ben Affleck was in Shakespeare In Love with Colin Firth, who is from England, which is where Heathrow Airport is, which is building Personal Rapid Transit -- the estimated crowd of 52,000 let loose with a flurry of boos and heckling.

The noise became so loud and abusive, only the official scorekeeper was able to hear Labridor's tenth and final series, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a Republican, which is the same party as Rep. Mark Olson, who once gave a group of homeschoolers a lesson about Personal Rapid Transit.

The round was won by Clive Frandle of Memphis, answering Robert Vaughn was in Good Luck, Miss Wyckoff with John Lafayette, who was in Loverboy with Kevin Bacon.

Play resumes today.



gPRT
Ken Avidor is the eggman