Fact-Checking the "PRT Boondoggle" Blog
A project of the PRT NewsCenter

Thursday, January 05, 2006

...Same Bat-channel!

What would happen if Ken Avidor borrowed the formats of popular mainstream TV shows? Get out your remote controls and journey with me through that scary alternate reality:

"The Antiques Loadshow"

Ken: -This is an interesting piece, an ornate chest-of-drawers.
Woman: Yes, it's been in my family for several generations.
Ken: There must be a fascinating story behind it.
Woman: My great-grandmother worked for J.P. Morgan, this was in her room in the servant quarters. When she married, she was given it.
Ken: So you're saying she worked for J.P. Morgan, the department store founder?
Woman: I think you mean J.C. Penney-
Ken: And that she was his mistress or something?
Woman: She was his housekeeper!
Ken: I bet she 'kept house' all right. So what did this concubine do to earn this remarkable $25,000 Stickley mirrored dresser?
Woman: Wow, I can retire!

Ken: Whatever. It's made out of wood from the endangered frandle tree—but you already knew that, didn't you, you pro-corporate, anti-environment—


"Irony Chef"

Chairman: -the ingredient in today's battle is: Context!
Fukui: Yes, the competitors must compete over the most accurate use of Context. Let's go down to the floor. The challenger looks like he's beginning by- what's that he's doing?
Hattori: It looks like he's using the Internet to research facts.
Ohta: Fukui-san?
Fukui: Go ahead.
Ohta: The challenger is indeed using the Internet. He's using Google, and reading multiple sources. Also, he has emailed original sources seeking background.
Fukui: Interesting. Let's go over to the other side, where Irony Chef Avidor is- WHOA, what is THAT he's opening?
Hattori: I don't know what's in that container, but it really stinks—


"Ken Eye For the Urban Planning Guy"

Ted Allen: -and so that's how a restaurant district is properly prepared.
Planner: Wow.
Ted: Now I'm going to hand you off to Ken Avidor, who is going to show you some transit alternatives.
Ken: C'mon, lil peanut!
[they run three miles to a train station]
Planner: Man, that sure was a long way.
Ken: It doesn't matter, what counts is that this light rail train by Parsons Brinkckeralph Lauren is proven technology.
Planner: What train?
Ken: It'll be along in a few minutes.
Planner: Where are the other systems?
Ken: What other systems?
Planner: The other systems. Ted said you would show me alternatives, plural.
Ken: Look sweetie, what are you, some kind of loony pro-car cult scam artist? Now don't think about new paradigms, or Tom won't show you how to decorate your new cost overrun-
Planner: My WHAT?
Ken: Look what you've done, making me ruin the big surprise-


"The O'Avidor Factor"

Ken: Welcome back to the Factor. We're talking with PRT cult leader Ed Anderson-
Anderson: As I was saying, PRT is not a cult.
Ken: Well, we can agree to disagree.
Anderson: Not really.
Ken: There's two sides, two sets of facts-
Anderson: No, there can be two sets of opinions, but facts are facts.
Ken: Oh, that's real clever, Mister Macho-Man. You think you can come on this show and pass off your hokum-
Anderson: Over 30 years of independently verified hokum-
Ken: Shut UP! Shut. Your. Mouth! I HATE YOU! HATE, you hear me?! Turn off his mike-!
Anderson (to off camera): Ha! You owe me $20.
Ken: -you're banned, mister, BANNED from the Factor! Man. What a whacko. OK, now it's time for the No-Spin Zone, where I'll prove to you that nothing spins—record players, lazy Susans, roulette wheels, planet Earth, whatever! Everything must move back and forth on one line, like a train-


Ken Avidor loses traction on wet metal

No comments: