"Christmas is Bogus - Dump Santa," advises skeptic

A Minnesota anti-holiday activist and skeptic of childlike wonder today issued a warning about the annual 'Christmas' holiday. Ben Bloviador of Minneapolis says that the winter holiday and its iconographic spokesperson, 'Santa Claus,' is a stalking horse for the retail industry and the Republican Party.

Conservative connections

"Basically, Santa Claus is a stalking horse for the retail industry and the Republican Party," said Bloviador.

"All you have to do is look at the symbology. Santa is dressed mostly in red, the color of the right wing. A real progressive would be dressed in blue," Bloviador said.

Bloviador's most compelling evidence is that Santa's red suit with white trim are the same colors as Target Stores, the Minnesota-based retail chain. "I have video taken in a local Target, of Republican state representative Mark Olson doing his Christmas shopping -- including items for a 'care package' for imprisoned former city councilman Dean Zimmermann."

"I don't think you need any more evidence than that to prove what a silly, bogus holiday Christmas is," said Bloviador.

Greenwashing

Bloviador said that Santa's transport, a sleigh, is unproven and infeasible technology. "We're supposed to believe an open sleigh can travel the entire world in one night?" he asked. The purpose, he said, was to create the illusion that Christmas is eco-friendly. "Look at all the green," said Bloviador, "Green holly, green wreathes, green trees. But a sleigh powered only by reindeer on hay is wacky; it would have to be a hybrid to power all those systems and achieve high speed."

"It removes the idea that sleighs are non-polluting," he said, adding that a real liberal would deliver presents with a light rail train.

A long quest

Bloviador said he first became suspicious of Christmas in 1962. "My family was having a Hannukah dinner, when this Santa Claus came down the chimney, uninvited, and disrupted the evening. He stomped through the house screaming 'Ho, ho, ho,' and ordering us to have a 'Merry Christmas.' He gave me coal," Bloviador recalled.

"That's when I began investigating Christmas, and now I am perhaps the leading skeptic of this bogus right-wing scam."

Peace On Earth and Good Will Even to Ken Avidor